What Feelings Are Actually Underneath?

I struggle with Depression and Trichotillomania.

I have for many years. Twenty actually.


It took probably a solid ten years to come to terms with and accept depression and trichotillomania as a part of me, qualities that make me different.


Yes, I suffer sometimes, and feel boundless despair.

Yes, I pull my eyelashes and my eyebrows.

But I am an exceptional being, not in spite of,

But in addition to my adversaries.


Probably ten years ago, I started up with a new therapist.

I had a halting reality viewpoint change when I realized

I did not have to a victim to my brain,

I could make changes to work towards changing my circumstances.

I decided I didn’t want to hurt anymore.

I knew it would be incredibly hard.

But I had a choice. Feel like sad shit, or make a change

and do something about it.


Very early in this process, it became exceedingly clear

I was unaware of my feelings. I did not get it.

I didn’t understand the connection between emotions and what

I was actually feeling. I had sad and mad, and the connection within was lost on me.


No clue. I struggled with this for a fair amount of time, until all the sudden,

I connected my emotions and feelings and what that felt like in what part of my body.


I still get chills to how mindblowing that felt. What a revelation.

Feelings. Emotions. A whole entire spectrum.


Once I learned that whole “feeling feelings” thing,

I became much more aware of pulling my eyelashes and my eyebrows.


I was so blocked off from my own physical and existential self,

it was incredible that I missed all of these complexities.


I realized, that if I grappled with the concept of actually feeling feelings, well, I sure would imagine other people would have that difficulty as well.


In honor of this wonderful month,

Mental Health Awareness of 2016, the wonderful people over

At Mental Health America have put together a worksheet

to specifically identify what is really happening in our minds and bodies.

What is really going on in there? I can assure you.

This is not a delicate process. It may be frustrating.

But unlocking the blocked off disconnected feelings to

emotions is life changing. Take a look over the worksheet.


Grapple with it. At least consider the feelings that are listed.

There are so many. I only had two.

Which are your default feelings?


More helpful information can be found on Mental Health America.


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