If You Pull Out Your Lashes,
There few worse things than having a gaping hole in your lashes
…or no lashes whatsoever.
Pulling out all your eyelashes can feel like the lowest low.
You don’t want to go anywhere, see anyone,
avoid eye contact, and are constantly wondering
if everyone can see the sparseness,
and are certain that everyone is talking about your lashless lids.
In my case, I tried to hide trichotillomania for years.
I tried to hide it from my mom, from my friends,
like it was the biggest most volatile secret.
I recall years like this.
I can specifically recall one particular night in college,
it was the big night out for Halloween.
My roommates and I were getting ready and
I bought lash singles to fill in the sparse areas.
Except, I was down to no lashes to stick the glue to as a base.
I was miserable.
I looked in my own mirror and behind me,
I caught a glimpse of my roommate with a tube of mascara in hand,
stroking it through her lush lashes. I felt so inferior.
Then, fast forward a few years,
I was getting ready to go out with my boyfriend at the time,
and I remember finally getting the hang of fake lashes in strip form.
What still really stands out from that night is my then boyfriend telling
me how confident I was, and it clicked.
‘Wait, I can actually feel like a human again’ I remember thinking.
So I continued to apply false lash strips every day.
Is it incredibly annoying to glue on eyelashes every single day?
Is it incredibly counterproductive to saving money?
I mean, yea! BUT I realized I could control something.
I could fix the incomprehensible feeling of shame and inferiority.
With a stupid thing like false lashes.
With persistence and determination of chasing that feeling
of filling the hole in my confidence, by filling my lashes with falsies came acceptance.
I cared so much less about pulling because I had a fix!
The second benefit?
Not pulling because I didn’t want to mess up my falsie application.
Now that’s killing two birds with one stone.
…..Or filling lashes with a falsie strip and some glue.